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Fic: Nights (Spike/Buffy)

spuffy becoming
Another gift for the ouat landcomm, posted here and named after the fact. For kadie_darling. Prompt: angst is good. Here's a few prompts, beginning, family, regret, missing you. Angst and regret. S7 Spuffy. Word count: 372




Days are hurried and full, cramped. The house is noisy and hard. There's a weight on her, more than the vague looming world; this responsibility is sharp with the faces of frightened girls, of old enemies, sharp with her drawn face in the mirror. But she is tired, not weary; that year is past.

But teenage girls wear themselves out. At the end of the day, darkening and widening, the house quietens and she can finally stop. Sit on the backsteps and look up at the black sky. Soft.

Maybe sometimes she is weary. Maybe sometimes the sun still hurts her eyes.

And he joins her in the darkness outside, quiet. "Another day done."

"Another day gone," Buffy says, feeling the urgency still. "I don't know what to do."

And he says, as he always says, "You'll figure it out."

Sometimes he's frustratingly neutral. Frustratingly trusting. Frustratingly vague. So cautious, so unsure, so new to the dusty soul. She doesn't bother to argue.

He must have seen something in her expression, because he replies, "You will. This isn't me being nice. It's not a platitude."

"I know you mean it."

"Oh, not this again."

Maybe not so cautious, then. She laughs and he raises an eyebrow. "I don't think I will. But thanks for saying so." Strange that The First appeared so many years ago as a melodramatic annoyance defeated by a seventeen year old. There is probably a lesson in that, something about children vanquishing demons, something about adults losing hope, power, but she doesn't feel much like an adult either.

There are times, like now, when the silence is stifling instead of free. When the air is too thick with him around, when wanting to be alone really means wanting to be alone. They always did have a problem with words and meaning--or maybe that was just her, maybe that was just him. Now they stop. Their words try to be soft, and turn noncommittal; they try to be trusting, and turn blind. They are best, perhaps, when they forget, but foregoing restraint is not an option (should never have been an option).

The steps are too narrow. The house is too big.

Nights are as dense as days.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
red_satin_doll
Mar. 14th, 2013 10:02 pm (UTC)
*APPLAUSE*
drizzlydaze
Mar. 15th, 2013 08:31 am (UTC)
Thank you!
red_satin_doll
Apr. 11th, 2013 03:59 pm (UTC)
The upside of ADD: I come to a story that's absolutely new to me, love it, come to comment and - find out I already did. Huh. And, nobody else commented? WTF? This is gorgeous. You know I love Buffy and the way you get inside her head is just so right to me. (I ship those two kids in S7 so much it hurts my heart and this covers so much of it, the ache and the complexity of it.)

There are times, like now, when the silence is stifling instead of free. When the air is too thick with him around, when wanting to be alone really means wanting to be alone. They always did have a problem with words and meaning--or maybe that was just her, maybe that was just him. Now they stop. Their words try to be soft, and turn noncommittal; they try to be trusting, and turn blind. They are best, perhaps, when they forget, but foregoing restraint is not an option (should never have been an option).

Oh yes, yes Buffy but here's the irony - should or no should, they both needed to hit rock bottom, they needed to tear that (metaphorical) house down. And in Chosen they'll destroy that (metaphorical) house again, but such a complete difference in feeling and tone: the gamut of Buffy and Spike right there in those two events.
drizzlydaze
Apr. 11th, 2013 04:38 pm (UTC)
And, nobody else commented? WTF?

Haha, that's probably because I have no friends. Um, not in the sad way, just that I literally have very few LJ friends (8, to be exact), not being very active on my own journal and only really participating in the fag ends community.

Thanks for yet another comment! Your ADD is a bonus to me too. :D
red_satin_doll
Apr. 11th, 2013 04:47 pm (UTC)
"Networking" helps a lot. But then I've been unemployed for a while and have plenty of time to be here, whereas not so much with the RL friends thing. (Yeah, I'm pathetic.) So, double-edged sword.

When I first came to LJ Buffy fandom is started reading other people's journals and began friending anytime I read someone's posts, stories or comments in convo threads I really liked. But I wasn't asking or interacting at first specifically with that person. Then I started asking if I could (more like "Can I friend you?" right after I'd actually done it, or "I'm friending you now if that's ok.") usually after I had left comments on their story or meta, and folks were more likely to then mutually friend me (duh, right? Took me a while to get the hang of it.) Also, my recent Ted meta I pimped like a fiend - literally PM'ing people I thought would enjoy it to come read it. I had never done that before but I was proud of it, and it worked. Now the challenge is to keep adding content (aka whip my rough draft notes into a semblance of something readable.)

There's so much demanding our time and attention though, on the 'net and RL it's impossible to keep up with it all.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )